<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Cutting in by waywardbaby</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25279813">Cutting in</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardbaby/pseuds/waywardbaby'>waywardbaby</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SPN, Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:09:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,159</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25279813</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardbaby/pseuds/waywardbaby</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>People often leave things behind in search of a better future. If they’re right is another thing tho.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Friendship - Relationship, Wedding - Relationship, bridesmaid - Relationship, broken up - Relationship, reunited - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Cutting in</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You know that feeling that pops up in the pit of your stomach?</p>
<p>That feeling that you can’t really tell if it it’s stress, excitement or the universe trying to warn you that shit is going to go down so fucking bad?</p>
<p>That’s the feeling that’s been keeping me company for the past couple of weeks. I really want to believe it is one of the first two possibilities but deep down I am almost certain it will be the third one.<br/>I want it to be stress.</p>
<p>Because for the last three or so months I have been helping the planning of my best friend’s wedding. A decision I came to regret almost the minute I had agreed to it. Not because I didn’t love Julie. I did. But because like most brides to be, Julie had turned out to be a royal pain in the ass.</p>
<p>Why doesn’t the florist have the exact color of lilies that match her tablecloths?<br/>Why aren’t the tablecloths made of that particular type of cotton that has this particular number of threads?<br/>Why did my bridesmaid gain a kilo and now the dress has to be altered?<br/>Why? Why? Why?</p>
<p>I want it to be excitement.</p>
<p>Excitement that my friend is embarking on a trip with a man that has been a huge part of her life for quite some time now. Excitement that I had played a small part in their love affair as I had been the one who introduced them. Peter had been a hunter almost as long as I had been one. We had hunted together on more than one occasion. Had each other’s back time and time again. But after he had met Julie, he had decided to leave everything behind, stop putting his life on the limb day in and day out and settle for the white fence, apple pie life all us hunters crave but very rarely find. Needless to say that Julie never found out what Peter or I did. We had both been very careful about it and had decided that it would be for her own good not to know exactly what goes bump in the night and what we do about it.</p>
<p>So, I really wanted that feeling to be excitement for something good that had come out of that part of my life. After Peter had quit hunting, I felt jealous of what he had found with Julie and decided that I would give that life a try too. Not that I had a boyfriend or anything but I wanted out so bad, knowing but not fully realizing what I’d be leaving behind. I saw his out as my out too. I had moved to a house a couple of blocks away from them, making Julie so happy to have me close by and tried to adapt to my new line of work as a grocery store assistant all the while trying to shed the adrenaline rush that was still lurking in my soul off of me. Trying to forget.</p>
<p>Trying and failing.</p>
<p>Because that part of my life, that part from what seemed like a million years ago, felt so close to me, still. That part of my life he lived in. I vividly remember telling him that I would be quitting the life. On a long drive where we were trying to catch the colors of the sunset. I had told him and he had smiled, telling me that he was happy for me. That he wanted me to be safe and secure. He had held me in his arms, till the sun had disappeared on the west and he had made love to me, slowly and tenderly. Touching me like I was made of glass and he was afraid I’d break. He had driven me back to the bunker where my duffel was already packed and he had kissed me one last time, branding me with his lips. I had insisted on not saying goodbye, leaving a crack on the door of my heart still open. So, no matter how happy I wanted to convince myself I was, how safe and secure behind my white picket fence, everytime I closed my eyes at night all I saw was a pair of emerald green eyes with pupils dilated from the rush of the hunt. Every time I was chasing sleep that never came, I could still feel rough hands touching me so tenderly, wet lips kissing me, a hot breath burning my skin. That crack I had left open in my heart hurt like a son of a bitch.</p>
<p>And then came Mark.</p>
<p>Mark was everything a girl could ask for. He was handsome, kind, with a stable job and a beautiful house. Mark was the kind of man that girls wanted to start a family with, have kids with, settle down with.<br/>Mark was perfect, apart from a small detail.</p>
<p>Mark wasn’t him and Mark could never be him.</p>
<p>Because his eyes were the wrong kind of green, his hands touched tenderly but at the same time felt rough, his lips kissed my skin but never managed to erase his brand. But Mark was what should fit in my life now. If only “should” was enough.</p>
<p>I had explained to him from the very beginning that I came with heavy baggage and that he should probably steer clear of me if he wanted a wife and kids. I didn’t want to string him along because I wasn’t that kind of bitch. But he had stuck around, determined to make me change my mind. Maybe placing a bet with himself that he could make me shed my heavy baggage off my shoulders. I wanted him to succeed and fail at the same time.</p>
<p>For all those reasons I am pretty sure that the feeling in the pit of my stomach, is the universe warning me.</p>
<p>I had been able to ignore it for a few minutes every other day as I was preoccupied with the last details of the wedding. But it’s still there.</p>
<p>Nagging me.</p>
<p>Pulling on my insides.</p>
<p>I managed to master the technique “fake it till you make it”, though, so I’ve convinced myself that I’m doing an excellent job with my feelings.</p>
<p>The eve of the wedding is here and as the maid of honor and best friend of the bride, I’m sitting on her porch, sharing a glass of wine with Julie, lost in my thoughts. The night is warm and the stars are looking down at us, hoping for a conversation in which to eavesdrop. The flowers from the small garden in front of the house give off a sweet fragrance which ties this whole summer night together.<br/>In a few hours this whole place is going to be filled with happy people, wishing the newlyweds a lifetime of happiness.</p>
<p>A much deserved lifetime of happiness for both of them. And I can’t help but wonder if I ever find even half of what Julie and Peter have. If I ever feel the way they feel about each other.<br/>And there’s that pulling in my stomach again.</p>
<p>“Are you good, babe?” She asks and pulls me out of the pit I have fallen into.</p>
<p>“Hmm? Yeah, yeah, I am. Don’t worry. Just a little tired, I guess.” I blatantly lie. “I really want to be a better company for you tonight but I think I’m not gonna succeed.” I add and slowly stagger to my feet, the chair creaking as I get up.</p>
<p>“You have been amazing all these months, Y/N. Putting up with my tantrums and illogical demands and my meltdowns and shit. You have been there for me, helping me and I know that I couldn’t have pulled this off if it weren’t for your help.” She reaches out and touches my arm, motioning for me to sit back down. “I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being my friend and most of all, I want to thank you for bringing Peter to my life. I don’t know how I have lived before him but I know that spending the rest of my life with him is the only thing I need.”</p>
<p>She’s still holding my arm, looking at me with her blue eyes misted with tears and I place my hand on hers and squeeze it lightly.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to thank me, Juls. And although you were indeed a royal pain in the ass, I’m so happy that I’ve been part of this whole thing. I love you and Peter so much and no two people deserve to be happy more than you. I really do believe, though, that we should get some shut eye because tomorrow is gonna be crazy.” I get up from my spot again and she does too. She hugs me and whispers a thank you again and we both head into her house, closing the door behind us with a small sound that echoed in my ears as a cannonball smashing the walls down.</p>
<p>I was up before my alarm clock started beeping and headed down in the kitchen while it was still empty and quiet. I made myself a huge cup of coffee and got out to the back of the house to admire the wedding decorations that were set up there since yesterday. Julie and Peter had both agreed to have the wedding ceremony and the party afterwards in the house they had been living in. My bare feet sink in the cool, well groomed grass and the drops from last night’s humidity felt so good. I walk slowly down a newly made path leading to the beautiful wooden arch that is decorated with pale pink roses and purple lilies. Small white wildflowers are intertwined in the arrangements and the small stepping stone that the priest will stand on is already in place. I lean in and smell the flowers, their fragrance relaxing me and making me push the all familiar tug in my stomach out of my mind.</p>
<p>A big opening on the right already holds about twenty round tables with eight wooden chairs around each, all matching the wood the arch was made of. Looking at my watch I realize that it is already nine o’ clock and with the wedding being scheduled for two, it is time to get things cracking.</p>
<p>As if on queue, Julie shouts good morning from the kitchen door and a group of people appears and starts unloading a small van. They are men and women dressed similarly in black trousers and white shirts, with little black bow ties around their necks. They scatter around the yard, some setting the tables with the linen tablecloths that had finally matched the color and thread count Julie wanted while others placed small arrangements of the same flowers that decorated the arch in the centers. The dj that was hired for the wedding is also setting up his gear, checking the cables and connecting a million gadgets and that black thing with all the buttons I wish I knew what they did. Three or four men, dressed in overalls follow, carrying stepping ladders that are placed against the trees in the garden. White, bubbles of lights are threaded carefully in the branches so as to shed their glow later in the evening. Everything is going according to plan so I decide to get out of their way and head back to the house to help Julie and also to get ready myself.</p>
<p>Peter had agreed to spend the night at his best man’s house so we weren’t really worried about him seeing us in the process of beautifying our faces.</p>
<p>After a certain point time just kept passing faster and faster and looking at the clock, I realize that it’s almost one thirty. I’m all done with my hair and make up and I can’t help but stare at Julie who is also ready. We’re standing side by side, in front of the huge mirror outside her closet. She looks so beautiful in her simple, white dress and matching veil. The dress is decorated with a belt, embroidered in pears of various sizes that ties in the back with two, long satin ribbons. The small train is also embroidered with the same pearls around the hem as is the long veil that very soon will fall in front of her face.<br/>Her makeup is soft and accentuates her beautiful eyes that are sparkling with excitement. Her cheeks are flustered and not in real need of blush and her lips are shining all pink and full. Her hair is tied to a soft bun at the nape of her neck and tendrils of curls frame her face. I can feel her anticipation and I’m sure that if I pay attention I will hear the beating of her heart.<br/>I shift my gaze and look at my own reflection. I can’t help but inwardly congratulate the hair and make up artist that managed to transform me into what is staring back at me. My dress is the same pattern as Julie’s minus the long train. It is purple like the flowers in the arrangements and the belt is adorned with light purple and pink pearls. My hair is also the same style as the bride’s with a purple lily secured in the bun and my shoes are as beautiful as they are uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure I will kick them off before the ceremony is over.</p>
<p>One last look in the mirror for both of us and I kiss her on the cheek before I leave her to go down and take my place as Mark’s companion. He is waiting for me at the foot of the stairs along with the rest of the bridesmaids and their dates. He looks so handsome and dapper in his dark blue suit and crisp white shirt. His tie is the same color as my dress and I have to once again admit that he is a man any woman could easily fall in love with. When he sees me, I can feel his happiness as it illuminates his face. I can do nothing more but smile at him as I take his hand and descent the last steps. I want so much to feel what he’s feeling, to reciprocate his emotions, to make him feel the way he anticipates. But I can’t. So I do the only thing I can do. </p>
<p>Smile.</p>
<p>He leans in and softly kisses my cheek. “You look perfect, sweetheart.” He whispers in my ear and I thank him while discreetly pull away. I look up in his eyes and I can see that he’s a little hurt by my reaction so I smile and squeeze his arm. “I’m sorry. I’m just a little tired and nervous about the whole ceremony.” I lie once again. He nods and I want to believe that he bought my lie.</p>
<p>Julie’s mother tells us to take our places so me, Mark and the other three couples that are the bridesmaids and their companions slowly walk down the cobblestone pathway and take our spots on the left and right side of the minister who is already standing in his place. I see Peter waiting anxiously, shifting his weight from foot to foot and scratching his left palm with his right hand as he’s attempting a smile.</p>
<p>When his eyes land on me, I wink at him and mouth : “You got this.” just as the wedding march starts playing. We all turn towards the other end of the pathway where Julie is standing, holding on to her proud father’s arm. The veil is now in front of her face but I’m pretty sure she’s smiling a wide smile of happiness. They start walking, coming towards us and I think that she’s actually pulling on her father’s arm to go faster. When they reach their spot, her dad lifts her veil and kisses her cheek. He offers her arm to Peter who is one step away from actually crying and the ceremony begins.</p>
<p>I feel so happy for them. But there’s that strange feeling again, keeping me from enjoying this beautiful event. I feel like someone is watching me. I mean, yeah. There are a lot of people watching me because I’m the maid of honor but this is different. It’s like you know someone is watching but you don’t know where they are or who they are. You only feel their eyes pinned on you. So, I do a quick scan of the crowd. There are relatives and people from Julie’s and Peter’s work, some neighbors. I know it’s none of them. As I’m about to shift my attention back to Julie who’s now reading her vows, out the corner of my eye I see someone disappearing around the other side of the garden. His frame looks familiar and I sense a million alarms going off in my head.</p>
<p>No, no, no.</p>
<p>My mind is playing tricks on me. My anxiety, my tiredness are having a ball fucking me up. It’s not possible!</p>
<p>“Y/N, the ring!” Julie is whispering to me.</p>
<p>“Huh? Oh, yes yes! Sorry. There you go.” I say absentmindedly as I hand over her ring. I return my gaze to the spot that he had disappeared to and I wanna leave everything and go check if it was indeed him.</p>
<p>Do I want it to be him?</p>
<p>Yes.</p>
<p>No.</p>
<p>I don’t know. </p>
<p>A million thoughts are running through my head. If it were him, how had he found out? Were he and Peter still talking? If it were him, what was he doing here? Had he been invited? I feel my head about to explode and my heart is one step away from a heart attack so I’m thankful for the ceremony being over at this particular moment because everyone’s clapping is distracting me enough to stop thinking for a second. Peter and Julie are walking quickly down the path as they’re being showered by rice and flower petals, smiling and waving at their friends. They disappear in the house to freshen up and change for the party that’s going to start soon. Mark is by my side, taking my hand and leading me to our table as the other guests are finding their seats too. The folded up chairs where everyone had been sitting are being stored quickly in the back of the garden opening up the space and transforming it into a dance floor. The music starts playing, just a soft tune to keep us company till the newlyweds come back and join us. Mark’s hand is on mine, his thumb rubbing small circles on my knuckles, his right arm wrapped around my shoulder.</p>
<p>“It was a beautiful ceremony, wasn’t it? So simple and yet filled with love.” He said, a hint of hope in his voice.</p>
<p>“Hhhmmhhh.” I agree but I’m not really paying attention to what he has said. My mind is back to what I think I saw before, my eyes again scanning the guests, both wishing and fearing of who I may see there.<br/>“Do you think that something like this could be possible for us too?” He asks and I turn to look at him, stunned.</p>
<p>“What?” I may very well look like a deer caught in the headlights of a car right now.</p>
<p>“Y/N, I’ve told you how I feel about you. I love you and although I know that you don’t feel the same about me, I want you to give me a chance to make you change your mind. I want to help you forget whatever has happened in the past and offer you a life filled with love and happiness.”</p>
<p>What is going on?</p>
<p>I feel my head spinning and my stomach is tied in knots. He can’t seriously be asking me to marry him. After I have told him from the very beginning that marriage and kids are not in my plans.</p>
<p>I look at him and try to form words. I fail. And once again I’m saved by Peter and Julie who have returned to the garden. Julie has taken off her veil and the train of her dress is also gone and Peter has discarded his jacket and tie. They move to the center of the dance floor and the dj plays the first notes of “Lady”. I know that it’s one of her favorite songs but I had never pictured an ex hunter slow dancing to it and singing it to anyone. They look so beautiful together. So perfect for each other. I turn to my left and see Mark looking at me, a need in his eyes as evident as the love that is surrounding the couple dancing, holding each other close.</p>
<p>I smile at him, for the first time considering that Mark could be enough. If he is willing to take a chance with me, I could be willing to take a chance with him.</p>
<p>The song ends and everyone is clapping and cheering for the couple as champagne is being served. I gulp down my glass and ask for a second one almost immediately.</p>
<p>“Mark…” I say, turning to him again. “I need some time. I need more time. Can we just enjoy our best friends’ happiness for now?”</p>
<p>“I could wait for you as long as you want, darling.” He responds and raising my hand to his lips, places a kiss on it.</p>
<p>Food is being served, drinks keep coming and the couple cuts the wedding cake. Everything is moving very fast. My head is tangled between who I thought I saw during the ceremony and the man sitting beside me, offering me what I gave up to have. I gave everything up all that time ago to find what Mark is offering me right now. But instead of being happy, I keep thinking that I may very well have made a mistake. I need to stop thinking.</p>
<p>I can’t think anymore right now and that pull in my stomach is getting stronger and stronger.</p>
<p>After everyone has eaten, the tables are cleared and people are invited to dance. Mark gets up from his seat and extends his hand in an invitation to join him on the dance floor. I take it without really thinking about it too much and let him lead me there. Three or four more couples join us as the music starts playing. It’s a corny 80s love song and Mark pulls me close to him. He guides my right arm around his neck and then secures my left hand in his, over his heart. He’s an excellent dancer and I rest my head on his chest, surrendering to the music, to the feeling and trying one last time to convince myself that this is what I need.</p>
<p>“Mind if I cut in?”</p>
<p>A voice is heard from behind me and my feet still as if I stepped in cement. My heart clenches and my arm drops to my side. Peter looks down at me and everything that happens is like it’s happening in slow motion. I turn around and my eyes land on a broad chest dressed in a grey shirt. I lift my gaze and see a pulse vein beating frantically, a jaw adorned with a scruff that I know exactly how it feels, cheeks peppered with freckles I had tried multiple times to count and stop at a pair of green eyes that are looking down at me.</p>
<p>Peter, being the perfect gentleman, takes a small bow and whispering “Please” moves away from us. I’m standing there, in the middle of the dance floor, not moving, just staring into his face. He reaches out and circles his arm around my waist. My hands find their way to the nape of his neck and the minute my body touches his I feel like I’m struck by electricity. That jolt of electricity untied the knot in my stomach and made that feeling that was residing there disappear. His lips touch my forehead and I feel him whispering : “I’ve missed you”</p>
<p>I stand on my toes and brush my lips over his. Lightly, as if I want to make sure that he’s really there. That it’s him holding me in his arms. I pull away just an inch and see him smiling at me. I kiss him again, deeper this time, holding on to him, breathing through him, realising how much I had missed him. How wrong I’ve been, searching for something else than him.<br/>“Dean…” I say as I’m still kissing him.</p>
<p>“I know.” He responds and lifting me off my feet, he carries me away from the dance floor.</p>
<p>Carries me away back to the life I know is meant for me.</p>
<p>And I let him.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>